Most schools focus exclusively on the practical aspects and the teaching of various massage and treatment techniques. But we must understand that being a good bodyworker or a good massage therapist doesn’t depend only on what we do, but also on how we do it: the context, the space, the container.
I have explored the field of sexuality and somatic practices for 20 years, and working as a professional in the realm of sexuality and somatic therapy for more than a decade, I have had the opportunity to observe numerous cases where professionals show a poor awareness of the delicate balance between offering support and overstepping limits, particularly in the context of massage, touch-based therapy, and other related disciplines. Such situations often arise from uncertainty about what is appropriate or welcome in a given context, and the potential risk of violating boundaries on both sides. Through both personal experience and professional exploration, I have learned that working ethically requires constant self-reflection and an awareness of one’s own limitations. It is necessary to constantly face and illuminate those aspects of ourselves that we tend to neglect or reject.
Training on ethics, boundaries, and sexuality
What I find essential is to integrate training on ethics, boundaries, and sexuality into the curriculum for massage and for all schools that address touch therapy. Such subjects are too often absent in these contexts, thus preventing the creation of a working environment that is safe for both therapists and clients.
It is fundamental to ensure that all those who enter this profession receive adequate training and possess interpersonal skills and integrity, know their own boundaries, are able to observe and respect those of others, and have awareness of their own needs so that no interferences are created that might undermine the ethics of the work.
The context of working in close contact with people and their bodies means that part of the material present in the unconscious can surface, and if we are not conscious of it, it can influence our behaviors or lead us to act in ways that are not fully aligned with our personal integrity. This can activate aspects of ourselves of which we may only be partially aware.
In my 10 years of practice, a significant number of people I have met have confided in me that they received inappropriate behaviors during some type of bodywork or massage, both as clients and as practitioners. Unfortunately, sexual boundary violations are more common than most people believe.
The vast majority of those who have suffered violations have never reported them, because often those who suffered them think they were somehow co-responsible, or they doubt the seriousness of the situation. One of the main obstacles that prevents us from speaking openly is shame: paradoxically in this context, it is the person who suffered who feels shame for what happened, not the person who behaved inappropriately.
Potential violations in one’s practice should not be viewed as something to fear, deny, or ignore. They must not be underestimated, nor should we run the risk of considering professionals as infallible beings: the reality is that even qualified professionals are human beings and, as such, can make mistakes. Violations can represent an opportunity to consciously address our fallibility and to take targeted action to prevent future errors.
Working ethically does not mean not making mistakes. It means being conscious that, being human, some errors may occur. However, we can commit to preventing them and ensuring we do not commit them intentionally or due to a lack of proper training.
Awareness around personal boundaries
In recent years, there have been some positive developments, with a number of bodyworkers starting to join the wave of attention regarding boundaries and consent. Having worked with victims of sexual abuse by professionals, but also with female therapists who have found themselves in somewhat inappropriate situations, I always welcome these efforts with great enthusiasm.
But these crumbs are not enough. This must become the industry standard. It is necessary that there be a greater effort to ensure that touch-based therapies are the safest possible place for both clients and practitioners. Where personal boundaries are naturally crossed precisely because touch and physical closeness are part of the therapy, it is fundamental for clients to know that there is attention and care in ensuring that the person and their body are respected, and for practitioners to have the capacity to enforce respect for their own person and professionalism.
Working with people implies not only working with bodies, which in themselves require great reverence, but also with the emotions and feelings involved (both the client’s and our own). And as massage therapists, we must take all of this into account.
It is interesting to observe that, despite being trained in the technical aspects of touch, movement facilitation, and the execution of therapeutic massages, we often overlook the fundamental importance of ensuring that an individual feels safe before being touched, exposed, or placed in certain positions. This aspect is frequently taken for granted: it is presumed that, by virtue of a person’s presence, they are ready to interact. However, it is essential to recognize that people do not always feel comfortable in such situations, especially if they have experienced previous traumatic events, such as sexual abuse, or if their personal boundaries have been violated. Furthermore, some may feel shame about their body or their physiological responses, circumstances that can significantly affect their level of comfort.
For a client to feel safe and benefit maximally from the treatment, they need to feel informed about the session structure, feel free to ask questions, and know they can stop the treatment at any time they perceive any form of discomfort.
For us professionals to perform our work at our best, with enthusiasm and dedication, it is necessary to learn to communicate effectively, to understand and recognize our own feelings and boundaries. We must also learn to protect ourselves (this is even more true for professionals identified as women) in order to manage interactions with clients who may display weak boundaries, emotional immaturity, or make inappropriate remarks. This proactive approach helps maintain a healthy and productive working environment for all involved.
This is why including ethics, boundaries, and sexuality in a bodyworker’s curriculum is extremely important. Not only does it prevent potential harm on both sides and increase the quality of the treatment, but it also allows us to work with greater ease and joy.
My new training on ethics and consent
I have brought together my experience, my knowledge of sexuality, trauma, power dynamics, and more, and have now created a training that covers all the different aspects that influence the way we operate. It covers sexuality, consent, boundaries, and power dynamics.
I sat down and dedicated myself to further study, immersing myself deeply in my personal history, because I knew that my experiences both as a client, a bodyworker, and an educator have taught me a great deal, and I can draw much from my experience. This does not imply that I have found definitive solutions, as I believe that in this context, no absolute answers exist. Ethics and consent are both fluid concepts. Ethics and consent are not about what is right or wrong, because this dualistic perspective leads to oversimplification, self-righteousness, and extremism. The aim is to achieve “completeness, wholeness, and complexity” rather than aspiring to an unattainable concept of perfection.
I invite you to join the conversation and deepen your knowledge on this topic. Together we can build a wider community around ethics and consent in touch therapy.
I will announce the dates for the next courses on my website and social media.
You have the opportunity to work with me individually to address your personal concerns, organize a group training session with your colleagues at your location, or subscribe to the mailing list to receive updates on future course dates.